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Stories of Lives Liberated

Kurt

Kurt

Once having been resigned to despair, I exist now with a hope that invigorates me to live purposefully.

Who I Was Before Christ:

As a teenager, I made a resolution to never acknowledge my flaws and mistakes. I attempted to convince other people that I was perfect and self-sufficient. I was deeply afraid of being rejected by others, and I became aggressive toward anyone who began to see my true self. I believed that God was real. Yet I also believed that there existed a barrier between myself and God, which prevented any meaningful connection. I was unable to take hold of any peace or joy. Rather, I found myself lost in my own bitterness, and lost in my inability to build meaningful friendships with people. Along with this mental turmoil, I carried some undetermined physical ailment that would not allow restful sleep. This experience of life caused me to become increasingly depressed and despairing. For a decade after my college years,  I steadily attended psycho-therapy sessions, and sought to place blame on others for the pain I felt. I sampled many anti-depressants, seeking a boost to my constant fatigue. I sought escape from reality through drinking alcohol in increasing amounts. I sought to find a woman who would give me undivided attention, and who would validate my victim-mentality. And yet, I always became angry and emotionally abusive toward any woman who expressed care for me.

What Changed?:

Despite these attempts to alleviate pain, I always had to return to a reality that I could not cope with. I became worn of my misery and was hopeless of change. In January of 2012, I resolved to begin significantly increasing my intake of alcohol until it killed me. Just before I  embarked on that suicide, I spent a few days with a group of people who strongly believed that Jesus Christ  was able to dissolve the barrier between myself and God. In these people, I saw a real power that had drawn them out of their own situations of despair. I began to understand that by reading the Bible as God’s actual communication to people, my mentality and outlook on life would change. Instead of despairing over the issues of my life in the here and now, I began to take the words of God into my mind as ultimate and eternal truth.

Who I Am Now:

I began to understand the truth that God had created each of us individually; that God affectionately and meaningfully loves each one of us, and has designed us to be in a real and significant relationship with him. Also, I have come to understand that the pain and despair I’ve experienced in my life have been the inevitable consequence of being disconnected from God, and disconnected from his intended method of living. I have understood that Jesus Christ remedies this disconnect. Now I look to the living God as the ultimate remedy of all pain, and as the absolute opposite of all wrong. In doing so, I have begun to experience emotional growth and ongoing repair of my previously bitter, hopeless, and lonely outlook on reality.
 

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